Wednesday, May 23, 2012

51 pounds gone

Well, it has been 5 weeks since my surgery, and I have lost 51 pounds since the beginning of this journey!  I am fitting into clothes that I havent worn since adam and I were dating!  It has been a very tough road, and everytime I get to thinking how it is not worth it, I realize how amazing it feels to put on jeans that I have pulled out of the back of the closet that are now hanging off of me!  I dont eat very much, and need to be eating more, but just cant.  I have to eat so slow, and if I dont I throw up.  Throwing up is a typical event for me after about 60% of my meals.  Either because something has made me gag, I've ate too big of bites, to fast, the wrong type of food , etc.  If I didnt have to eat to survive, I just wouldn't.  Nothing tastes good.  Nothing sounds good.  Everything sounds disgusting, actually.  I know this is temporary, and I will start getting back to "normal" eventually, but right now, its just miserable.  I have to press on, and look forward to the goal!  I need to startr eating breakfast, but I am so nauseated in the mornings ( and most days) that it is just out of the question.  However, the mornings I do eat, I feel much better all day.  Lunch is really hard to decide what to eat, because I dont have time to cook, and the thought of a lunch meat wrap, which used to be very yummy to me, grosses me out.  I have this horrible taste in my mouth all the time, which they tell me is ketosis-the body burning fat, it had went away for a while, but it is back.  My day consists of working, and sipping water ALL DAY LONG.  Anyway,  I am tired a lot, especially if I sit all day.  Here is my new schedule:
7:00-wake up-go take multivitamin IMMEDIATELY to avoid gagging (my gag reflex is on HIGH alert nowadays-and ALWAYS ends up puking if I dont get it under control)-drink water and brush teeth.  Go back and take my protonix (to keep my new tummy from becoming too acidic) and my birht control (well ya know what this is for :) )
8:00-get ready and go to work; Drink water ALL DAY LONG
10:00-take my 2 calcium chewables
12:00-take my iron
2:00-take 2 more calciums
5:00-go home and let my B12 dissolve under tongue and take D3
SUPPER, then freedom til bedtime, which I take another multivitamin and a probiotic.
It is crazy hectic.  I wish we could just take a monthly shot of all of our vitamins and be good to go, but thats not the case. Its especially rough because of the gag thing.  Its all a brain thing, has to be!    A lot of the foods I used to love, (even the not so bad ones) gross me out, pop, which if you know me at all, I was ADDICTED tastes gross, everythign sweet is gross.  Its amazing how one little surgery changes your life.  I had a friend ask me yesterday if I'd do it again, and I told him "you cant ask me that right now, even though I've never lost this much weight alone in my LIFE, I wont be able to answer that....ask me again at 6 months when im down 100 Lbs".  TRUE STORY!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


My surgery is scheduled for one week from today! I still dont know what time, they are supposed to call me by Friday to let me know what time to be there and all that jazz. Im getting nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. Im nervous about how I will fare with the clear liquid diet the day before and then the liquid diet for 2 weeks after. The good thing about 2 weeks after is that I wont be hungry and wont want to eat, but it will still be a mental struggle. I got word today that all my pre op labs came back good, which was great news! I dont' have to refill my rx vitamin d and am good to just take over the counter vitamin d. I have been stocking up on all my "goods". I have: my "old lady" pill dispenser to put my vitamins in (15 a day for the rest of my life, Im going to need some way of keeping track when I take which ones)-my hibaclens that I need to wash with for 2 days before surgery to kill bacteria, gas x strips (painful horrible gas is the guarenteed side effect right after surgery thanks to all the gas they blow you up with), miralax (for consipation) chewable vitamins, and my special camelback water bottle. Anyway, I think the plan so far is to go down to the city the day before and just spend some family time together, maybe go to the zoo and shop a little. My mom is going to take care of ally until we get home from the hospital, and I am planning on at least 2 weeks off work, although I will probably come in during the evenings and do invoices and stuff that needs to be done. Excited to think that in 6 months from now I will be skinny!~

Monday, March 5, 2012

Big Decision

I havent posted in a REALLY long time, but I have made a decision that is going to change my life FOREVER, and feel like I will want to look back on a "blog" to see what all I was going through. Most people dont agree with this decision, and dont feel like I should've made it. However, I dont ask everyone to agree with it, but to please support me in my decision.
Anybody who has known me for a very long time knows that I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Not just adult life, Im talking ENTIRE life. When I was in the 4th grade I can remember doing the school weigh ins for the report cards, where they line the whole class up and weigh in one after another. I weighed 140. In the 4th grade. My mom would promise me things if I would lose weight, things like trips to six flags, new clothes. We went to dr. after dr trying all these diets. I have literally done EVERY diet on this planet. It continued all through high school. I had friends, and had a social life, but I feel like it has held me back on so many other things. The first time I ever felt halfway good about my body was when I went to college. Most people gain weight, but I was managing to lose weight. Whenever I moved home, and got "comfortable" again, I gained back all the weight I had lost. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I dont sit and watch tv all day and do nothing . I also dont sit and eat a whole pizza. I do make wrong eating choices, and tend to overeat, but I still dont think of myself as one of those people "I see on tv" who can eat 3 cheeseburgers and then go home and eat dinner. After Adam and I got married, and had ally I have stayed at the same weight that I was the day I had ally. I lost all the pregnancy weight, but it has crept back up, and is managing to stay at the same weight (which is a blessing that it hasnt went OVER). Since Ally I have tried weight watchers & slim fast, which both can work, but I cannot seem to STICK with them. I went through a long period of time of "I dont care" and have decided that "I dont care" will eventually kill me.

The big decision that I have made is to have gastric bypass. I have always said its the "easy way out" about people who have had it. I would not call it an "easy way out" any more. I do agree that it gives you no choice when it comes to willpower. It IS the willpower. But it is NOT going to be an easy way out, but ANY means. It comes with hairloss, throwing up, dumping, vitamin deficiency and plenty of emotional struggles. All of these things are NOT easy. However, I have struggled for over 20 years, and I feel this is my only way to ever conquer my demon. I have been "in the process" for around 3 months now. I call it "In the process" because if you know of anyone who has had it, its a NIGHTMARE of a LONG process.
1. Find a Surgeon-I am going with the Weightwise clinic in Edmond (they are basically the top of their class center)-Its a very gorgeous facility, that only focuses on bariatrics.
2. Attend Seminar-I went to the seminar in january. My friend Carolyn went with me because adam was in chicago working. They do not tell you its going to be easy. They tell you it is going to be a nightmare. They explain every process from chewing your food to mush before you swallow, regretting your decision for a while, and throwing up and pooping out everything you eat that has sugar in it.
3. Meet the Surgeon. The Weightwise Clinic makes you see the surgeon, dietician excersise and psychologist before they will even attempt to operate on you. I went to my appointment, met the surgeon, they asked about my insurance (thankfully ours is one of the few that cover weight loss surgery) and we started the process. My insurance required a 6 month physician supervised weight loss program, 5 years of documented MORBID obesity, and a bunch of other boring stuff. Well when I found out about the 5 year MORBID obesity, I thought we had hit a wall. I have been obese for my whole life, but when it comes to weight loss surgery MORBID is a game changer. So I met with my dietician, and she put me on a carb free diet basically, high protein, low carb. Then I met with my exercise physiologist and she told me to get moving. I was very discouraged after this visit, thinking there would be no way I fit the guidelines for morbid obesity for 5 years. I got home that evening, and looked at my medical record from my first prenatal visit with ally (dec 07) and I was 1 pound away! ONE POUND! I couldve pooped that day before the visit. So I was all distraught, called my patient advocate (she is my go to person-and had the surgery herself and lost 120 lbs) and she just told me to calm down. I finally decided, if I get to have this sugery, YAY, if not-be thankful Im still healthy and dont have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc-and work on it until the time comes. After the first appointment, they sent me home with all kinds of orders to get lab testing, sleep test, ekg done. I discussed it with adam, and we decided there was no reason to spend 800 bucks (our part) on a sleep test until insurance approved the surgery. So I went ahead and talked to tina (my patient advocate) and we decided that would be ok-but I still needed to do lab work. I had already had an EKG, so wouldnt need it.
4. Approval- Tina called me on Feb. 24 and asked me if I had done my lab work- yes; "well have you done your sleep study?" I got a little aggravated, because she KNEW I didnt want to do it until I was approved. So I said "well rememeber we were going to wait until it was approved?" She then said "well you are already approved so you better get it done". I started bawling! I didnt think there would be anyway, and I was a wreck on the phone! She said she hoped they were happy tears. Amazingly enough, they didnt even send in all the weight history, and our insurance just approved it! She had my surgery scheduled for march 20 originally but I told her that was still a little fast.
5. Get moving! NO REALLY GET MOVING! The surgeons require that I lose 13 lbs (they set a specific % for everybody so its easier for them to operate). I had slacked, just like always, and so when I got the call I thought OMGosh I better get going!! So I lost 6 pounds in 5 days by doing what the dietician told me. I am not worried about losing the rest because I have enough time if I can stick with it.
6. Support groups-The dr. requires you go to their support groups once a month up until the date of your surgery, regardless of how long you have to wait. OH YEAH- I forgot-originally my insurance policy was 6 months of supervised diet, well I got back home the day after my first appointment and checked it again-they changed the policy and dont require that anymore. SO I had to get in to see the psychologist before they could submit to insurance, so I made a crazy mad fast trip back to OKC to see him.

Thursday is my first appointment back since my insurance approval. Originally Adam wasnt in a big hurry to go with me because we thought we had 6 months. He is taking off work thursday to go with me to see everything and meet the people. My surgery date is SET for April 17th unless something changes.. March 20th would have been a quicker start to this huge change, but both adam and I will have to take a lot of time off work so we needed more notice. PLUS even with insurance, this is NOT a cheap process, so we needed all the time we could get to save up more $.

Anyway, now everyone who wants to know-knows. I will go in April 16 for all my pre op stuff and then surgery will be April 17 (if it doesnt change) -I will be in the hospital for 3 days after the operation to make sure there are no leaks and for pain managment. I am very excited, but very nervous & scared about all the changes fixing to happen.