Wednesday, May 23, 2012

51 pounds gone

Well, it has been 5 weeks since my surgery, and I have lost 51 pounds since the beginning of this journey!  I am fitting into clothes that I havent worn since adam and I were dating!  It has been a very tough road, and everytime I get to thinking how it is not worth it, I realize how amazing it feels to put on jeans that I have pulled out of the back of the closet that are now hanging off of me!  I dont eat very much, and need to be eating more, but just cant.  I have to eat so slow, and if I dont I throw up.  Throwing up is a typical event for me after about 60% of my meals.  Either because something has made me gag, I've ate too big of bites, to fast, the wrong type of food , etc.  If I didnt have to eat to survive, I just wouldn't.  Nothing tastes good.  Nothing sounds good.  Everything sounds disgusting, actually.  I know this is temporary, and I will start getting back to "normal" eventually, but right now, its just miserable.  I have to press on, and look forward to the goal!  I need to startr eating breakfast, but I am so nauseated in the mornings ( and most days) that it is just out of the question.  However, the mornings I do eat, I feel much better all day.  Lunch is really hard to decide what to eat, because I dont have time to cook, and the thought of a lunch meat wrap, which used to be very yummy to me, grosses me out.  I have this horrible taste in my mouth all the time, which they tell me is ketosis-the body burning fat, it had went away for a while, but it is back.  My day consists of working, and sipping water ALL DAY LONG.  Anyway,  I am tired a lot, especially if I sit all day.  Here is my new schedule:
7:00-wake up-go take multivitamin IMMEDIATELY to avoid gagging (my gag reflex is on HIGH alert nowadays-and ALWAYS ends up puking if I dont get it under control)-drink water and brush teeth.  Go back and take my protonix (to keep my new tummy from becoming too acidic) and my birht control (well ya know what this is for :) )
8:00-get ready and go to work; Drink water ALL DAY LONG
10:00-take my 2 calcium chewables
12:00-take my iron
2:00-take 2 more calciums
5:00-go home and let my B12 dissolve under tongue and take D3
SUPPER, then freedom til bedtime, which I take another multivitamin and a probiotic.
It is crazy hectic.  I wish we could just take a monthly shot of all of our vitamins and be good to go, but thats not the case. Its especially rough because of the gag thing.  Its all a brain thing, has to be!    A lot of the foods I used to love, (even the not so bad ones) gross me out, pop, which if you know me at all, I was ADDICTED tastes gross, everythign sweet is gross.  Its amazing how one little surgery changes your life.  I had a friend ask me yesterday if I'd do it again, and I told him "you cant ask me that right now, even though I've never lost this much weight alone in my LIFE, I wont be able to answer that....ask me again at 6 months when im down 100 Lbs".  TRUE STORY!

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


My surgery is scheduled for one week from today! I still dont know what time, they are supposed to call me by Friday to let me know what time to be there and all that jazz. Im getting nervous, scared, and excited all at the same time. Im nervous about how I will fare with the clear liquid diet the day before and then the liquid diet for 2 weeks after. The good thing about 2 weeks after is that I wont be hungry and wont want to eat, but it will still be a mental struggle. I got word today that all my pre op labs came back good, which was great news! I dont' have to refill my rx vitamin d and am good to just take over the counter vitamin d. I have been stocking up on all my "goods". I have: my "old lady" pill dispenser to put my vitamins in (15 a day for the rest of my life, Im going to need some way of keeping track when I take which ones)-my hibaclens that I need to wash with for 2 days before surgery to kill bacteria, gas x strips (painful horrible gas is the guarenteed side effect right after surgery thanks to all the gas they blow you up with), miralax (for consipation) chewable vitamins, and my special camelback water bottle. Anyway, I think the plan so far is to go down to the city the day before and just spend some family time together, maybe go to the zoo and shop a little. My mom is going to take care of ally until we get home from the hospital, and I am planning on at least 2 weeks off work, although I will probably come in during the evenings and do invoices and stuff that needs to be done. Excited to think that in 6 months from now I will be skinny!~

Monday, March 5, 2012

Big Decision

I havent posted in a REALLY long time, but I have made a decision that is going to change my life FOREVER, and feel like I will want to look back on a "blog" to see what all I was going through. Most people dont agree with this decision, and dont feel like I should've made it. However, I dont ask everyone to agree with it, but to please support me in my decision.
Anybody who has known me for a very long time knows that I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Not just adult life, Im talking ENTIRE life. When I was in the 4th grade I can remember doing the school weigh ins for the report cards, where they line the whole class up and weigh in one after another. I weighed 140. In the 4th grade. My mom would promise me things if I would lose weight, things like trips to six flags, new clothes. We went to dr. after dr trying all these diets. I have literally done EVERY diet on this planet. It continued all through high school. I had friends, and had a social life, but I feel like it has held me back on so many other things. The first time I ever felt halfway good about my body was when I went to college. Most people gain weight, but I was managing to lose weight. Whenever I moved home, and got "comfortable" again, I gained back all the weight I had lost. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I dont sit and watch tv all day and do nothing . I also dont sit and eat a whole pizza. I do make wrong eating choices, and tend to overeat, but I still dont think of myself as one of those people "I see on tv" who can eat 3 cheeseburgers and then go home and eat dinner. After Adam and I got married, and had ally I have stayed at the same weight that I was the day I had ally. I lost all the pregnancy weight, but it has crept back up, and is managing to stay at the same weight (which is a blessing that it hasnt went OVER). Since Ally I have tried weight watchers & slim fast, which both can work, but I cannot seem to STICK with them. I went through a long period of time of "I dont care" and have decided that "I dont care" will eventually kill me.

The big decision that I have made is to have gastric bypass. I have always said its the "easy way out" about people who have had it. I would not call it an "easy way out" any more. I do agree that it gives you no choice when it comes to willpower. It IS the willpower. But it is NOT going to be an easy way out, but ANY means. It comes with hairloss, throwing up, dumping, vitamin deficiency and plenty of emotional struggles. All of these things are NOT easy. However, I have struggled for over 20 years, and I feel this is my only way to ever conquer my demon. I have been "in the process" for around 3 months now. I call it "In the process" because if you know of anyone who has had it, its a NIGHTMARE of a LONG process.
1. Find a Surgeon-I am going with the Weightwise clinic in Edmond (they are basically the top of their class center)-Its a very gorgeous facility, that only focuses on bariatrics.
2. Attend Seminar-I went to the seminar in january. My friend Carolyn went with me because adam was in chicago working. They do not tell you its going to be easy. They tell you it is going to be a nightmare. They explain every process from chewing your food to mush before you swallow, regretting your decision for a while, and throwing up and pooping out everything you eat that has sugar in it.
3. Meet the Surgeon. The Weightwise Clinic makes you see the surgeon, dietician excersise and psychologist before they will even attempt to operate on you. I went to my appointment, met the surgeon, they asked about my insurance (thankfully ours is one of the few that cover weight loss surgery) and we started the process. My insurance required a 6 month physician supervised weight loss program, 5 years of documented MORBID obesity, and a bunch of other boring stuff. Well when I found out about the 5 year MORBID obesity, I thought we had hit a wall. I have been obese for my whole life, but when it comes to weight loss surgery MORBID is a game changer. So I met with my dietician, and she put me on a carb free diet basically, high protein, low carb. Then I met with my exercise physiologist and she told me to get moving. I was very discouraged after this visit, thinking there would be no way I fit the guidelines for morbid obesity for 5 years. I got home that evening, and looked at my medical record from my first prenatal visit with ally (dec 07) and I was 1 pound away! ONE POUND! I couldve pooped that day before the visit. So I was all distraught, called my patient advocate (she is my go to person-and had the surgery herself and lost 120 lbs) and she just told me to calm down. I finally decided, if I get to have this sugery, YAY, if not-be thankful Im still healthy and dont have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc-and work on it until the time comes. After the first appointment, they sent me home with all kinds of orders to get lab testing, sleep test, ekg done. I discussed it with adam, and we decided there was no reason to spend 800 bucks (our part) on a sleep test until insurance approved the surgery. So I went ahead and talked to tina (my patient advocate) and we decided that would be ok-but I still needed to do lab work. I had already had an EKG, so wouldnt need it.
4. Approval- Tina called me on Feb. 24 and asked me if I had done my lab work- yes; "well have you done your sleep study?" I got a little aggravated, because she KNEW I didnt want to do it until I was approved. So I said "well rememeber we were going to wait until it was approved?" She then said "well you are already approved so you better get it done". I started bawling! I didnt think there would be anyway, and I was a wreck on the phone! She said she hoped they were happy tears. Amazingly enough, they didnt even send in all the weight history, and our insurance just approved it! She had my surgery scheduled for march 20 originally but I told her that was still a little fast.
5. Get moving! NO REALLY GET MOVING! The surgeons require that I lose 13 lbs (they set a specific % for everybody so its easier for them to operate). I had slacked, just like always, and so when I got the call I thought OMGosh I better get going!! So I lost 6 pounds in 5 days by doing what the dietician told me. I am not worried about losing the rest because I have enough time if I can stick with it.
6. Support groups-The dr. requires you go to their support groups once a month up until the date of your surgery, regardless of how long you have to wait. OH YEAH- I forgot-originally my insurance policy was 6 months of supervised diet, well I got back home the day after my first appointment and checked it again-they changed the policy and dont require that anymore. SO I had to get in to see the psychologist before they could submit to insurance, so I made a crazy mad fast trip back to OKC to see him.

Thursday is my first appointment back since my insurance approval. Originally Adam wasnt in a big hurry to go with me because we thought we had 6 months. He is taking off work thursday to go with me to see everything and meet the people. My surgery date is SET for April 17th unless something changes.. March 20th would have been a quicker start to this huge change, but both adam and I will have to take a lot of time off work so we needed more notice. PLUS even with insurance, this is NOT a cheap process, so we needed all the time we could get to save up more $.

Anyway, now everyone who wants to know-knows. I will go in April 16 for all my pre op stuff and then surgery will be April 17 (if it doesnt change) -I will be in the hospital for 3 days after the operation to make sure there are no leaks and for pain managment. I am very excited, but very nervous & scared about all the changes fixing to happen.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Trunk Or Treat

We took ally to trunk or treat at the church of christ last night. There were Sooo many people I was glad that we were early as usual. This year I decided on Raggedy ann for her costume. I got soo many compliments and so many "did you make that?" Yeah right! I dont even know how to sew on a button. But it really does look handmade. We had been practicing her saying "trick or treat" and shes got it down pretty good. We'll see how saturday night goes when we go around town, (if anybody knows different on when wer'e supposed to trick or treat please let me know) I've heard some say sunday and most say saturday so I guess we'll just look like idiots if we go on the wrong day haha.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Happy (Late) 2nd Birthday Ally!

I have been a slacker lately in blogging, but Ally turned 2 on August 15th! now THAT is hard to believe. It seriously just seems like yesterday! She is getting even MORE ornery as she is talking more and more and learning new words. We had a little party in our backyard, just family and a few friends. After last years huge bash, I decided she was lucky to get cupcakes, but I even got her a cake and it ended up being even more work than I had hoped. The kids swam and played in the playhouse. We have not been doing anything lately, the same ole schedule-work mon and tues, and ally goes to her new babysitter (who she loves) then we stay home and clean (or should be cleaning) the rest of the week. Little Miss Ally as newborn. Should've known by the covering of her ears she would be a brat
Here's ally's 2 year shot. lovin that cheeseball face.

Ally and her cousin cashlyn playing in allys playhouse at her bday party

Allys bday cake- she LOVES spongebob. We gave her a choice between what they had at walmart (like I said, did not plan to do much this year for bday) and it was between princesses, tinkerbell and spongebob and she picked him.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Summer Days

We have been busy busy this last week. Ally has been busy being "cool" and driving all over the town! Ally also had swimming lessons with her cousin taylor all week. Shes pretty young but she is not scared of the water one bit, so we thought we'd better start her early so she knows how to swim quickly. She went down the water slide, jumped off the edges and now knows how to kick her feet and get herself where she wants to go (with floaties, of course)

On saturday we had a bunch of adams family over for a cookout and swimming party (we broke down and bought a big pool this year)-This is ally and her cousin cashlynn chillin. (they look a lot alike because its adams twin sisters girl!)

We have loved having a big pool and have used it everyday so far. Ally was a big helper putting it up. She helped daddy and uncle daniel dig and level the ground (sort of) and here she is in the bottom helping daddy fill it and smooth out the liner.

In other news, I have kind of had "finding babysitter" hell. I need someone to keep ally just mondays and tuesdays and am having big trouble. If anyone knows of anyone with a daycare that wont charge for a full week just for 2 days and has an opening, please let me know! Or if anybody knows any indvidual that would be able to keep her.

Friday, May 14, 2010

Spring cleaning...slow but thorough

I decided yesterday first thing after waking up that I was not going to go lounge on the couch all morning like usual! I usually get up and watched my dvr'd shows, which puts me lazy all day. So I got up in a cleaning mood and started on the bathroom. for 3 years we have just piled stuff under the dreaded bathroom sink, so I thought id tackle it. I went to dollar tree and bough baskets to organize. This is the TRASH pile that we found in there. (a paper towel holder, really miranda?!) I didnt take a BEFORE picture, but I did take an after
AFTER. Everything neatly organized. bin for cleaning supplies, bin for adam, bin for me, and bin for medical We took ally to her first carnival last night . She was too short to ride any of the rides by herself, so nama rode on them with her. This ride was her favorite-the cars. we had to ride it twice. We rode the boats, planes, ferris wheel, carousel, and the cars. She won 2 prizes by picking up ducks and mommy broke a plate and won her a dinky little whale that I could have bought for 10 cents instead of 5$ She tried cotton candy and was completely freaked out by it at first but ended up loving it.
we had a garage sale a couple of weekends ago, and I decided that since I dont want any more kids at the moment, I would sell the crib. It was really tough, but I did it. Heres a picture of her new big girl bed! Now we can lay in bed together and read stories!