Big Decision

I havent posted in a REALLY long time, but I have made a decision that is going to change my life FOREVER, and feel like I will want to look back on a "blog" to see what all I was going through. Most people dont agree with this decision, and dont feel like I should've made it. However, I dont ask everyone to agree with it, but to please support me in my decision.
Anybody who has known me for a very long time knows that I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Not just adult life, Im talking ENTIRE life. When I was in the 4th grade I can remember doing the school weigh ins for the report cards, where they line the whole class up and weigh in one after another. I weighed 140. In the 4th grade. My mom would promise me things if I would lose weight, things like trips to six flags, new clothes. We went to dr. after dr trying all these diets. I have literally done EVERY diet on this planet. It continued all through high school. I had friends, and had a social life, but I feel like it has held me back on so many other things. The first time I ever felt halfway good about my body was when I went to college. Most people gain weight, but I was managing to lose weight. Whenever I moved home, and got "comfortable" again, I gained back all the weight I had lost. Now, if you know me at all, you know that I dont sit and watch tv all day and do nothing . I also dont sit and eat a whole pizza. I do make wrong eating choices, and tend to overeat, but I still dont think of myself as one of those people "I see on tv" who can eat 3 cheeseburgers and then go home and eat dinner. After Adam and I got married, and had ally I have stayed at the same weight that I was the day I had ally. I lost all the pregnancy weight, but it has crept back up, and is managing to stay at the same weight (which is a blessing that it hasnt went OVER). Since Ally I have tried weight watchers & slim fast, which both can work, but I cannot seem to STICK with them. I went through a long period of time of "I dont care" and have decided that "I dont care" will eventually kill me.

The big decision that I have made is to have gastric bypass. I have always said its the "easy way out" about people who have had it. I would not call it an "easy way out" any more. I do agree that it gives you no choice when it comes to willpower. It IS the willpower. But it is NOT going to be an easy way out, but ANY means. It comes with hairloss, throwing up, dumping, vitamin deficiency and plenty of emotional struggles. All of these things are NOT easy. However, I have struggled for over 20 years, and I feel this is my only way to ever conquer my demon. I have been "in the process" for around 3 months now. I call it "In the process" because if you know of anyone who has had it, its a NIGHTMARE of a LONG process.
1. Find a Surgeon-I am going with the Weightwise clinic in Edmond (they are basically the top of their class center)-Its a very gorgeous facility, that only focuses on bariatrics. www.weightwise.com
2. Attend Seminar-I went to the seminar in january. My friend Carolyn went with me because adam was in chicago working. They do not tell you its going to be easy. They tell you it is going to be a nightmare. They explain every process from chewing your food to mush before you swallow, regretting your decision for a while, and throwing up and pooping out everything you eat that has sugar in it.
3. Meet the Surgeon. The Weightwise Clinic makes you see the surgeon, dietician excersise and psychologist before they will even attempt to operate on you. I went to my appointment, met the surgeon, they asked about my insurance (thankfully ours is one of the few that cover weight loss surgery) and we started the process. My insurance required a 6 month physician supervised weight loss program, 5 years of documented MORBID obesity, and a bunch of other boring stuff. Well when I found out about the 5 year MORBID obesity, I thought we had hit a wall. I have been obese for my whole life, but when it comes to weight loss surgery MORBID is a game changer. So I met with my dietician, and she put me on a carb free diet basically, high protein, low carb. Then I met with my exercise physiologist and she told me to get moving. I was very discouraged after this visit, thinking there would be no way I fit the guidelines for morbid obesity for 5 years. I got home that evening, and looked at my medical record from my first prenatal visit with ally (dec 07) and I was 1 pound away! ONE POUND! I couldve pooped that day before the visit. So I was all distraught, called my patient advocate (she is my go to person-and had the surgery herself and lost 120 lbs) and she just told me to calm down. I finally decided, if I get to have this sugery, YAY, if not-be thankful Im still healthy and dont have high blood pressure, diabetes, etc-and work on it until the time comes. After the first appointment, they sent me home with all kinds of orders to get lab testing, sleep test, ekg done. I discussed it with adam, and we decided there was no reason to spend 800 bucks (our part) on a sleep test until insurance approved the surgery. So I went ahead and talked to tina (my patient advocate) and we decided that would be ok-but I still needed to do lab work. I had already had an EKG, so wouldnt need it.
4. Approval- Tina called me on Feb. 24 and asked me if I had done my lab work- yes; "well have you done your sleep study?" I got a little aggravated, because she KNEW I didnt want to do it until I was approved. So I said "well rememeber we were going to wait until it was approved?" She then said "well you are already approved so you better get it done". I started bawling! I didnt think there would be anyway, and I was a wreck on the phone! She said she hoped they were happy tears. Amazingly enough, they didnt even send in all the weight history, and our insurance just approved it! She had my surgery scheduled for march 20 originally but I told her that was still a little fast.
5. Get moving! NO REALLY GET MOVING! The surgeons require that I lose 13 lbs (they set a specific % for everybody so its easier for them to operate). I had slacked, just like always, and so when I got the call I thought OMGosh I better get going!! So I lost 6 pounds in 5 days by doing what the dietician told me. I am not worried about losing the rest because I have enough time if I can stick with it.
6. Support groups-The dr. requires you go to their support groups once a month up until the date of your surgery, regardless of how long you have to wait. OH YEAH- I forgot-originally my insurance policy was 6 months of supervised diet, well I got back home the day after my first appointment and checked it again-they changed the policy and dont require that anymore. SO I had to get in to see the psychologist before they could submit to insurance, so I made a crazy mad fast trip back to OKC to see him.

Thursday is my first appointment back since my insurance approval. Originally Adam wasnt in a big hurry to go with me because we thought we had 6 months. He is taking off work thursday to go with me to see everything and meet the people. My surgery date is SET for April 17th unless something changes.. March 20th would have been a quicker start to this huge change, but both adam and I will have to take a lot of time off work so we needed more notice. PLUS even with insurance, this is NOT a cheap process, so we needed all the time we could get to save up more $.

Anyway, now everyone who wants to know-knows. I will go in April 16 for all my pre op stuff and then surgery will be April 17 (if it doesnt change) -I will be in the hospital for 3 days after the operation to make sure there are no leaks and for pain managment. I am very excited, but very nervous & scared about all the changes fixing to happen.